Welcome back! This is my experience with the week 5 of The Artist’s Way program. Beware, rambling!
So, I took a break for a week. In Week 4 post I mentioned that I’m taking a week long break to move into a new apartment. And as any break does, this one hit me hard. We started moving last Friday, and the place has finally come together by this Thursday. Before that, we had piles of clothes on the floor and a plastic bin for a coffee table to eat on. It actually was quite fun, but it took a toll on me.
I wrote morning pages for a whooping 1 time. 1 time, Karl! Not that I’ve ever been 7/7 consistent, but 1/7 is the ultimate new low. There was no Artist’s Date this week either. I’ve gotten out of house quite a lot actually, and we did some adventuring in thrift shops this week (something I’m not prone to, so it does qualify as an adventure), but I did it together with my husband, so no quiet reflections for me this week lol.
All this week I just fell distracted anytime I’d pick up the book to read the new chapter of The Artist’s Way. I finally got around to do it mindfully on Thursday, and, frankly speaking, it was the first evening that I remember clearly out of the previous week. It felt great to just read the book, not run around for a solid hour and to finally rest my feet and my soul.
As the title of the blog clearly states, I’m an overthinker. Not only it means that I tend to think too much about most everyday things, but I also have trouble letting those things go. Let me give you an example. Say, I put down a small shelf and fill it up with clothes. Am I done? Hell no. If it doesn’t look quite right (and in my mind, nothing ever does), every time I pass by that shelf the sense of imperfection haunts me. Let’s be clear: moving stuff around a little bit won’t help – the feeling that something is not done right is based deep within my brain and can be applied to anything at any time.
Most times, thankfully, I learned to tune out that feeling. Meditations help, learning to stay in the moment helps, focusing on the phrase “done is better than perfect” helps. Normally. But this move has put me in the state of perpetual flux. It felt like trying to fly when turbulence is unusually high. For over a week.
So I read the chapter 5, “Recovering a Sense Of Possibility” and even managed to do a few exercises, but there was no heart in it. You know the difference – and this time it was critical. After exercises were done, I stared at the blank page on my laptop and I wanted to cry. I didn’t have anything to write on the topic of Artist’s Way, or sense of possibility. This week has been mentally and physically exhausting, and while my brain technically agreed that everything that I wish for is possible, my soul just wanted to rest. It just needed some :cringe: self-care.
And while I wrote of list of my wishes, it was uninspired. Most of them could have been done on an average Tuesday. I wanted some coconut oil for my hair, I wanted some colorful paint for my nails, and I wanted a day to just be girly and lazy. Carrying heavy stuff around for a week will do that to a girl, now I know that for sure.
So I lifted myself off the bed, and I did the Coconut oil hair mask. I exfoliated my face (for the first time this week, a part of my daily routine not so long ago), I took a nice long hot shower, and I lotioned myself. All of that was somehow rushed – I’ve been really struggling staying in the now. I’ve been trying to take care of the big picture for my family this week, and focusing on the small seems almost wasteful, even though in my heart I know that it’s not.
I’ve been getting in the trap of the big picture for a while, to be honest, especially with the move and this blog. I tend to see any change prematurely as this ever-lasting, final result. And since it’s final (or at least it is in my head), it has to be perfect. Do you see the evil mind loop of a perfectionist in action?
This post might be too much of a ramble, but oh well. This is what a week without morning pages will do to me – all the mental clutter finds its way out in a post rather than those 3 life-changing pages each morning.
Bottom line: I dropped a ball this week. I forgive myself for doing that, and I commit to spending more time with the Artist’s Way book and exercises next week. This is my “Recovering a Sense of Possibility” week outtake – even though I failed the week before, everything can still be salvaged. And thank God for all those TAW graphics that I’ve had infinite wisdom to pre-make way ahead of time 🙂
Well, how was your week? Please share in the comments, I would truly love to hear!